Seeking connection between friend groups
Have you ever felt that you’re forced to fit in, make many friends, and hang out with “cool people” to acquire happiness? Have you ever felt uncomfortable being with people who you call “friends?” How can you seek that balance between you and others to avoid being overcome by peer pressure? Does what you think will make you happy really make you happy? These are some common concerns teenagers face during their stage of identity confusion, and I will answer the above based on my knowledge of socializing, and the things that I’ve learned as an adolescent.
I have always been a very confident person, often receiving compliments and positivity. But what I’ve learned in the past year or so is that I can easily be affected by others' impressions of me, which often leads me through a long struggle of self-doubt. I’ve never realized how sensitive I was until I was 16. People are often fooled by my outgoing, vibrant surface, neglecting my frail inside. After falling into a low ebb, I’ve discovered that many people are just like me; in fact, many are far worse.
Mental health issues affect around 30% of people globally, and the data indicates no sign of decreasing in the near future. Ever since my first struggle with identity, I’ve had to cope with a lot of difficult feelings that I want to evade, but am afraid to do so at the same time. Sometimes I even found myself initiating condescending conversations to hurt others in order to protect my own feelings. But finally, I realized that though you can fool everyone, you can’t fool yourself.
Now, let’s reconsider the questions in the first paragraph. Are the friends around you ones you truly need, or do you hang out with them just to satisfy your vanity? Are they people who you genuinely enjoy being with, or tools you use to make you look popular and nice in front of others? Why do so many teenagers wish to hang out with popular people despite knowing that they’re toxic? On the surface, these people seem to be living their best life, so influential that they are categorized as being “cool”. I’m not going to judge their lifestyle or their attitudes because everyone has the freedom to choose how they live. However, I believe that they will know whether to regret or to be grateful for in 10 years, 20 years the decisions that they have made. Time will slowly unravel everything, and making wise choices will never let you down. Do follow what you think is right, but not only because that is what others approve of.
If you’ve ever felt uncomfortable, or not equal in a relationship, get out of it as soon as possible. The famous psychologist Erik Erickson stated in his theories of psychosocial development that the process of seeking identity occurs between the ages of 12 to 18. If you’re an adolescent who’s dealing with concerns and mental issues, please remember that this is perfectly normal. We’re constantly changing due to new experiences and information we acquire in our daily interactions with others. And that’s why finding good friends and comfortable relationships are crucial to our growth. Instead of forcing yourself to be around toxic people, appreciate all the good people that you’re surrounded by.
Although friendship does help improve your happiness and make you feel loved, it always occurs during a particular moment and stops there; having fun memories lightens up my mood temporarily, but I wouldn’t call it a solution that dissipates all the negativities. Many people are actually unable to savor the good times due to their fear that their negative emotions will come back. That’s why you need to love yourself before loving anyone else. The message sounds a bit cliché, but that doesn’t take away from its importance. The power of self-love makes all other love seem minute. The confidence that you gain from having a deep connection with your heart is what makes you a strong, unique, and independent person. Simultaneously, believing in yourself gives rise to true happiness. Don’t base everything on your friends, achievements, or the impression that you provide others. Instead, rely on your own self-confidence, believe that you will conquer all the obstacles that life throws in your way, and compare with no one but yourself. Because truly, the greatest enemy that you face is yourself. How you think about yourself will impact the person that you become. There are no definite answers - the only answer comes from your heart.
So, what’s your answer?
Author: Helen Si
Biography: Helen Si is a Grade 12 student currently attending Notre Dame in Wilcox, Saskatchewan. She is developing skills in visual art, music, sports, and psychology and is interested in making more contributions to society.
Works Cited
Photo Credit: Instagram: earthplanet_pics
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